mama said there'd be days like this

"Honey, I hate to wake you," my husband was saying as he gently shook me awake in the way-too-early-in-the-morning, "but we have a problem."

I groaned without opening my eyes. "What is it now?" It was the house, of course. Doubtless, it was something about the plumbing. It is always something about the plumbing.

"The hot water heater is leaking. It's flooding the garage, I can't turn off the water and I can't find the warranty or the manual."

I moaned. I thrust my toes deeper into the soft sleepy caverns of the covers. I willed the day away.

"It's flooding the garage."

The day remained. I got up.

I located the paperwork in the files and called Sears.

"The hot water heater is leaking. It's flooding the garage and I can't turn it off."

"Very good, ma'am. Can you hold?"

I could.

"Ma'am? I have you scheduled for an appointment on Wednesday. Would that be convenient for you?"

"No, that would not be convenient for me. You see, the hot water heater is leaking. It's flooding the garage and I can't turn it off."

"One moment please."

I held.

"Ma'am? I have managed to talk to our router and we were able to schedule you for an emergency appointment on Tuesday. Would that be convenient for you?"

"No, that would not be convenient for me. Did I happen to mention that the hot water heater is leaking? It's flooding the garage and I can't turn it off."

Silence.

"I have no hot water. I cannot have no hot water for 4 days."

Silence.

"Not to mention the flooding, and all."

"Ma'am? I'm going to put you through to someone who can help you."

"Thank you."

I held.

"Ma'am? How can I help you?"

I went through the procedure again; name, rank, phone number, flood.

"Is there any possibility that you could schedule me an emergency appointment in less than 4 days? Or at least tell me how to turn off the water?"

"Ma'am, I'm going to put you on hold while I talk to a router. Is that alright?"

"It's fine. Thank you."

I held. I held for 5 minutes. I held until there was nothing to hold onto. I held until I was cut off.

Turk called Victor, his favorite go-to-guy for all our plumbing needs. Victor said he was leaving and would be here in 30 minutes. Victor should be on a retainer.

Turk entered the den.

"I smell smoke," he said. So did I. The wildfires were on their way.

Victor arrived and, having ascertained that the bottom had rotted out of the heater, took off to find us a new one.

The fires are getting closer. The air is thick with the acrid smell, and the winds seem to be holding at around 30 mph. The light has that eerie, end of days quality to it, beautiful in its way ~ pink, orange, gold. And then suddenly, that dense, grayish brown. At 2:00 the house was dark. Ash is flying, and my eyes are stinging.

Victor called. He was diverted off the highway by the police into a weigh station. Friends in nearby Yorba Linda called to see if we were OK after seeing our neighborhood on TV. NPR is reporting that people caught in dead still traffic are abandoning their cars not 5 miles from here.

I'm looking on the bright side. If Victor doesn't make it back, Sears will be here on Tuesday. I am really looking forward to some hot water.