Question: How many Me does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Just one, but it takes 4 1/2 hours.
In my defense, the bulb had broken off in an odd way from the silver tread-thingy and required some unusual light bulb-changing handiwork and possibly tools, of which I could find none. Or at least none suitable, which caused me to use my fingers and what's left of my nails. Which caused my brother to groan long distance as I balanced barefoot on the sink, holding the phone in one hand and jamming the other into the light socket with random precision. I am almost sure he groaned because he feared for my safety, and not because I call him every time something that needs to be done appears to call for a tool of some sort. And by that I mean no disrespect.
I needed needle-nosed pliers and had no idea where they were, but my nails are usually there at the tips of my fingers, although not always, and what's a little jolt of electrical current now and then? Frankly, I found it invigorating.
Of course, once I was up there and saw all the accumulated dirt of days gone-by, I was forced to drag out all the requisite equipment and scrub the room from top to bottom. And also plunge the sink, which I would like to point out is not my area of expertise. And while I do not have an actual area of expertise, I can now state with some certainty that this is not it. Still water runs, languidly.
Having no one to congratulate me on my new-found plumbing and electrical skills, I did what any Really Occasional Housewife of Orange County would do; I drew a picture of it. Wrote about and Photoshopped it; pinned a medal on it. Gave myself a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval and a merit scholarship. Imagined a reality show featuring me changing light bulbs and unplugging drains. Green-lit the project, in which I will be played by Susan Sarandon, because I really want to be her.
Naturally, I had to blog the entire process. Then question the wisdom of doing most, if not all, of the above.
4 1/2 hours. And people wonder why I never clean anymore.
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5 comments:
Next time, remove the broken bulb the Irish way: take a raw potato, jam it against the bulb base, and turn left. Remember, righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
At last! A tool I can understand. And have for dinner.
Paul beat me to the potato! I'm proud of you. I've had some balance issues this year, and I've had to leave burnt out ceiling lights unchanged until I had company I could press into labor.
I was going to mention the potato but first suggest shutting the juice off at the circuit breaker. Ummm...did you ever find it? I know we talked about looking for it but I can't remember if we ever did.
Thank you, Cynthia. I'm proud of your recent efforts too. What is it about this cleaning thing? It really does require medals.
Robbie, I believe we did discuss looking for the fuse box but decided to have another cocktail instead. I'm sure it will turn up again. I think I remember where I left it. ;D
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