Granted, I did not plan the page out very carefully. Pretty poorly, in fact. It is as messy and overwrought as grief itself. Well, not quite as ugly as that, really, but it was cathartic. I was trying something new, and I have decided to like it anyway. The subject is damaged but defiant; she will be wounded, yes, but she will bear her wounds in her own fashion. If she has to defy the laws of physics and man, then by god she will.
But she will do it in a tasteful mini widow's weave, because the laws of style are a different issue entirely, and not to be trifled with. There are rules, people.
I continue to have a lot of problems with pen v paint v glue v scissors v paper (yes, I am such a skilled artisan that all my materials are actually at war). In this battle there can be no winners, only collateral damage. Because apparently, THE WIDOW also DOES NOT LIKE TO READ INSTRUCTIONS!
Muddy colors and sticky fingers ensue.
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4 comments:
You may not like it, but I'm damn impressed. Three years on, I'm still grieving (not encouraging, I know, I'm sorry), and I still feel like I've lost my voice and my ability to create. It's as if aphasia has set in, and I hope one day to be able to write something decent again. The visual has always been beyond me.
Thank you, Cynthia! But I'm embarrassed to say, it actually looks better online than it is. Still not saying much, I know. I can't paint or draw yet, either. Just keep playing around with these silly little things. Trying to remember.
I'm sorry you're still in pain. I know now that it never truly ends. I've been trying to accept sadness as a condition of life, something that can only be kept at bay, never vanquished. Never again.
And you are writing, beautifully still, Cynthia! I suspect that for the time being, we can't even hear our own voices. Just echoes...it's hard to express, in any form, I think. <3
I like mixed media. It's messy for the messy times, and so much is spoken in the layers.
I agree. It's a hot mess, but it's my hot mess. And it seems to look worse every time I see it.
I keep thinking, well, maybe it just needs more glitter pen... or cowbell. Needs more cowbell.
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