I feel lucky

I spent Thursday pulling jury duty. Again. It seems to me I was writing about this just a scant 14 months ago. I've been called so often I know all the back road shortcuts to the courthouse, recognize a good number of the attorneys and even have a favorite café for long breaks on extended cases. And honestly, I was happy to do it.

In the past I‘d always believed that it was the duty of every citizen to show up and serve honorably. The American system of justice cannot function effectively if good people fail to participate, I reasoned, and I’ve found both the legal process and the cases I’ve participated in to be fascinating.

Besides, I am just the sort of person I'd want on my jury if I were ever accused of a crime ~ fair, intelligent, open-minded, and a snappy dresser in the jury box.

However, I have not been feeling particularly civic-minded these days, my natural tendency toward public service steadily ground down by weary resignation to a government of brazen corruption, awash in political malfeasance, addicted to Big Brotherly Love and, apparently, possessed of an irrational prejudice toward human hybrid cloning (whatever have you guys got against Mermaids and Monkey Men?) So I decided for the first time in my adult life to try and duck jury duty.

In the space on the form requesting exemption from jury service I wrote, in my best cramped, Unibomber-style handwriting,” I have served on 3 juries and been called 4 times in 5 years ~ most recently in December 2004 (!!!) It’s time to give somebody else a chance.

I received notice that my request for exemption had been denied, but that I might qualify for a postponement. No doubt to allow time for a mental health evaluation. I called the office.

“I am requesting to be exempted from jury duty on the grounds that I keep getting called for jury duty,” I declared. “I know people who have never been called for jury duty in their lives and others who, having been exempted once somehow manage to never get called again. I feel that those of us who stand up and serve are somehow penalized for being responsible citizens by being called on a more regular basis.”

“Have you been called in the past 12 months?” a pleasant female voice inquired.

“No, but I have been called 4 times in 5 years, the most recent being 13 months ago. I think I’ve been put on some sort of sucker list.”

“The jury selection is made from random drawings from DMV and voter registration lists. I assure you there is no ‘sucker list’.”

“Well, I don’t believe that for a minute,” I said, not unkindly. “Look, there are about 610 million eligible adults in Orange County, give or take a few ~ how is it that my number comes up 4 times in 5 years, while thousands of others never do? It’s statistically unlikely. And if I’m that lucky, how is it that I’ve never won the lottery?” Ha. Had her there. You know, I really should be buying lottery tickets.

“I could postpone your service until August, ma’am. You will receive the notice in July.”

I considered. It would be 98 degrees in August, and no doubt the air conditioning would be out. Sweaty lawyers and even sweatier clients. Me in shorts. The picture was unappealing.

“No, thank you. I’ll stay with February, I guess,” I sighed, gracious in defeat. Peevish, but gracious.

“Will there be anything else?” the still pleasant voice asked. I must say she was being an uncommonly good sport.

“No, thank you. You’ve been very nice. See you tomorrow. Goodbye"

“Goodbye."

So it was that I served gallantly and lived to survive a particularly close call ~ a pool of 100 jurors was summoned for an attempted murder case, estimated by the judge to last a week before going to deliberation. After a number of jurors were questioned and released over the course of a few hours, those of us who had survived the first couple of rounds of drawings became tense as the pool dwindled and the deadline 5:00pm drew near. Juror#91 was called. #94. #92. At last both attorneys accepted the jury. The survivors applauded. I was #93.

I have really got to start buying lottery tickets.